The Wild West

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

A man arrested after an extremist group made threats to celebrity chefs Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein has been released with no further action to be taken, police said today.
Duane Oddy, from Padstow, Cornwall, was arrested after the two chefs received emails from the Cornish extremist group, the Cornish Liberation Army (CLA)


"Silence in Court! Yes you, that crowdie in the corner!
Will the defondant please rise. Has this man got a wrap, Constable Carrots?"
" Just a parkin offence, your honour."
" Well, my lad you have bean making a right pesto yourself, haven't you. You can't go losing your tempura in this fashion. I can see by your dressing what a tofu are but this doesn't mean you can go around acting the big cheese and going crackers."
"I'm sorry your honour , I mustard lost the nut . Seaweed got a chip on our shoulders about these two cummin down here and muckin' up our heritage, that's what is at steak."
"You mean spoiling your Cornish past, eh?"
"Yes your honour, a pasta were all proud of. I can't stress stroganof how we feel. You gotta admit they have a sauce"
"That's all well and good but you mussel go threatening people with cauliflower ears and other types of a taco . I won't have you taking the coleslaw into your own hands , it's just nut croquette. We be in a right stew if we all did that. This is a gravalax case and you could get porridge, however I ham going to take a leanient veau on this occassion providing you satay out of trouble."
" Oh thank you, you honour, I will be a bacon of virtue. I won't fritter away my thyme beefing about those crepes"
"Parfait, then I will bind you oven to keep the peas"
"Next, quiche............."